OK Rummy. It's goin down.
This is what happens when I drink some beer, put on some Dr. Dre, and log on to the Blog.
Beeeotch!!!
In that other Blog I mentioned that Rummy has squinty eyes.
What I forgot to mention is that he has small nutz. "Yeah, Rummy, yo nutz is small." Whassup.
You got the wire tap, but yo wire is tapped. Mrs. Rumsfeld has been left out in the cold for a long long time. Your bureaucratic ass hasn't satisfied a woman in decades.
But that's not Iraq's fault. Don't take it out on the entire nation of Islam. No need to tie up Arab dudes and torture them. Especially when its not consensual. Leave that to the Castro District and Chelsea.
If you can't invade your wife, you don't need to invade smaller countries to prove your manliness in this very destructive way. Bob Dole did it in a less invasive, less violent way. Plus that solution helps pharmaceutical profits. You were once a pharmaceutical type of guy. You knew what was going down in "The Constant Gardener." You didn't need to press rewind to hear the whispered conspiratorial secrets. You knew them already. Same with Syriana. You could fast forward through most of it, since it was boring to watch for you. Yawn...this is so 2003.
Hey, give Clooney some credit, he busted out "Good Night and Good Luck" which was old skool 1950's. Which, Rummy, you're down with. The 50's were your glory days. You are a man of the mid 20th century. The dawn of the Cold War. Those were your formative years. You were young and ambitious. You didn't really like Vietnam, and you liked even less the aftermath (which Dre is down with). The legacy of Vietnam was your enemy. And you are still fighting it. Wit small nutz.
See, that's the main problem. If your nutz were OK, you wouldn't have to compensate. But, like a Hummer driver, you're worried. Are your nutz OK? I don't know, better invade a few countries, just to make sure no one says anything.
It's OK Rummy. Most of America is in the same situation. They are worried about their tan lines and eyebrows, and har gel and shirts with cuffs. And most of all, the size of their nutz.
Why were the Native Americans massacred? Because the settlers were insecure about the size of their nutz. Why did the Southern Whitey have slaves? Because he was afraid that the black man had larger nutz. Why did Nelson Mandela serve 30 years as a political prisoner? White man's nutz insecurity. They don't teach you that shit in history class. They say "Manifest Destiny," which is actually "Manifest Density" meaning frontal lobe, but not the subconscious. Ego but not Id.
I'm manifesting a middle finger for Rummy. This is a shout out to my homies to back me up, since Rummy is wiretapping this shit, and he has interns and employees monitoring this thought even before it even gets blogged. Those interns are paid by the Gitmo prisoner illegally abducted. They get quarterly bonuses for depriving environmentalists and Blue State residents of their 1st Amendment rights. An extra $1,000 into their 401(k) whenever they smart bomb target a Clooney in a white SUV trying to prevent a Middle East coup for oil as portrayed at the end of Syriana.
Rummy, you're going down. The Blog is on, and it's all about taking you down. You might have a $500 billion dollar budget of which a significant portion is dedicated to keep upstart smart young Blogger MC's from getting on the mic and rollin out disses like Dre Day, what what, but I got the 1st Amendment, and even if Skull-lito wouldn't know it if it hit his pasty white pro-death skull upside the head, I'm bringin it. Two shouts out to the young Republican who is assigned to read this Blog and "track" this information. See you at the Hummer Protest beeotch. I'll be the one with the 2 foot middle finger. You'll be the one with the small nutz. You'll be hard to pick out among the Hummer shoppers.
Rummy, these disses probably hurt. I want the hurt to stop too. Here's a way to make it go away. Change your ways. Read Jared Diamond's "Collapse." Burn the Crichton book. You can buy me off. One or two hundred billion toward the renewable energy/climate protection/social justice project of my choice. None of this hundred million stuff. I want a hundred billion. Minimum.
You might think I'm soft on national security. Not all, homie. You are stuck in some kind of Dr. Strangelove house of mirrors. I'm trying to help you out here. Give me a hundred billion, and I'll help you do your information awareness or whatever you call the propoganda you're spewing. White Man's burden or whatever. I'll help you improve your image...the same way Jimmy Carter improved the image of the US in the Middle East. Foo! That's how it's done. Jimmy was down from the olden days. Your style is outdated. Jimmy is where it's at.
Rummy, you best resign now, this Blog is on fire, and you have no chance. Give up now before it gets ugly. Beeotch!
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1 comment:
Ouch, a couple months have passed and the disses must still sting, Rummy. You put some bactine on your bruised ego, and then you went to Target and bought a magnifier mirror, and that helped a little. I think you need to pull the troops out of Iraq. That might ease the pain. 105 American troops were killed last month because of you. You were wrong about the Middle East. Don't worry, you weren't the only one. John Kerry and Dianne Feinstein were wrong too. But you told them wrong things, in sworn testimony, so at least they have a feeble excuse (not really but anyway). You have the ability to block out voices you don't want to hear, but there is an inconvenient truth about the Invading you have done. You probably should have stuck to playing the Atari 2600 instead of putting American lives in danger, and destabilizing the Middle East for some imperialist, budget busting Right Wing neocon fantasy. Which is the appropriate term. A fantasy. By the way, about all these allegations about having SMALL NUTZ. I've seen worse allegations from your side of the aisle, so I'm not apologizing. I am willing to debate the issues, but I'm going to throw in a few anatomical speculations as well. You might be able to ignore one, but the NSA knows I'm right about the other.
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