Monday, May 25, 2009

Issues with Terminator Salvation

I liked the previous Terminator movies so much that I dressed as one for Halloween, and I have one as my avatar photo. But this might change, because I don't really want to be associated with the current one, Terminator Salvation.

So disappointing, because I had high hopes, with the Nine Inch Nails song "When the Whole World Went Away" in the trailer, and Batman swaggering around casually shooting Terminators for fun. There were a few good scenes, but the director and writers missed the big bullet points, and took the lazy cut and paste route to 90 minutes, done, let's go have a margarita. But dude, you got to please the fans or else you won't get hired back.

Here are some of my issues with the movie. If you're planning to see it, you might want to stop reading here.



Marcus and Moon should have been taken completely out of the movie. Why did Moon disobey orders and release Marcus? Oops, now I got shot, wasn't expecting that. You liked this guy who acts like a robot so much that you risk your life and piss off all your friends? Every scene she was in I cringed. Especially the take off the fighter pilot helmet and shake your hair and give the flirtacious smile. Hello, this isn't a shampoo commercial, it's the Terminator. Enough with the tight pants and the Trinity kicks. We've already seen it, in a movie where it was new.

All we really want is to see Christian Bale kill robots, and he did a few times, but all this jibber jabber with Marcus was so pointless. And the face of Skynet is not Helena Bonham Carter. Skynet would not try to convince Marcus of anything. It is a machine, it works by command and control. It would tell Marcus what to do and if he resisted, he would be terminated and another one would be created to replace him. And if you're going to be like a mile away from a nuclear explosion, I want to see you take anti-radiation pills in the next scene, or else I want to see your hair falling out and you die. I can't suspend that much disbelief.

And the Terminator series is not the Matrix. No Architect, no existential questions. You are a machine, with a single mission, and John Connor's is to save Kyle Reese, which is a good counterpoint to the 1st movie. This surety of purpose is what we admire about the Terminator. The Terminator is not a waffling Keanu, trying to figure things out. Too bad the writers lost track amid the CGI, which is not a substitute for plot.

Also, enough with the cut and paste characters. The mute kid with the fro from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, and I think in that Kevin Costner movie too, lame. The set, costumes, and gas station with the rasta dude and the old woman who hate each other, wasn't that from Resident Evil Extinction? The character from South Park: Token (you know what I mean). And rehashing the Guns and Roses song, and the random Alice in Chains Rooster song? Did you profile your fans and that came up #1? True, I own the album, but let's be creative here. I'm not saying Enya, but where was the Nine Inch Nails song from the trailer? Any songs off of Year Zero would have been a way better choice. And the PG-13 rating, this is just to sell video games. But long time fans want a better script. So sad.

The radio thing...wouldn't Skynet pick up that transmission too? If not, why not? Where does the gasoline come from? Do they have biodiesel refineries? Underground greenhouses to grow food? No? Just coyote that must be totally radioactive, assuming they were able to survive the nuclear winter. If you're going to attack San Francisco, why not come up El Camino Real like Junipero Serra? Why cross the rickety, destroyed Golden Gate? Is the resistance based up in Marin, in a hottub in Mill Valley? And Batman, just give him the ears and the cape already, and make him fight IceMan, played by CGI Arnold.

Speaking of which, c'mon, give Arnold more of an intro than just "duh duh duh duh." Like, uh oh, here comes Arnold, or something. Then trying all the same stuff from the previous movies to melt him and freeze him, so boring. And the factory where the machines are made, just like the Matrix. Seen it already. Also already seen where the Borg were made, and where the Aliens were born. Yawn.

The worst was that we already knew that Skynet is software, not hardware. So why try to blow up one factory? So lame. Use a computer virus or some kind of software solution. John Connor should have a team of hackers trying to take down Skynet's firewall. Too creative? Too "outside the box"?