Sandlerbrau's Rant

The following rant was delivered, in part, at the 1st ever Rant-a-thon on July 28th, 2006 (rules for ranters are here).

Sandlerbrau’s rant:

Shouts out to Lewis Black, Jon Stewart, Gonzo from the Muppets, Randi Rhodes from Air America, Lynn H.- who has ranted at me for 365 days times 4 and half years- and to the poor young interns I’ve ranted at, who came in to my office peaceful and happy and left with a burning righteous anger, ready to form non-profits, run for office, and deliver public comment with their middle finger and a fax machine. Here we go…

Topics:

Rumsfeld’s sexual dysfunction
- could have taken Viagra instead of invading Iraq. Sex got us through the 90s with Bob Dole and Clinton. Thats the main difference between this decade and last. Ironically, they didn’t have Viagra last decade…hmmm…
- Hummers mirror American foreign policy -
- simplistic American culture= broadcasting insecurity
- invading Iraq was Rumsfeld’s version of Tom Cruise bouncing on the couch

$500 billion military budget
- This pisses me off
- Imagine what we could do with $50 billion for any of our causes
- The largest single entity in our country is the Defense department, bigger than any company, and university, and organization
- ½ of the total Federal budget, the other main parts are entitlements and they are being whittled away by Repubs, but why isn’t anyone whittling away at the Rumsfeld budget? The only fuckin consensus item in this country is that killing people overseas is a high priority. Guns, Germs, and Steel.
- I don’t want to whittle the $500 billion, I want to dismantle it, because I have plans for that money and it doesn’t involve guns and bombs.
- Imagine what we could do at the local level with $500 billion.

Cheney was behind the Anthrax mailing
- he had the motive
- who was it sent to- Daschle and Leahy and the liberal media
- why haven’t we found the perpetrator?
- It was a cover up
- Why doesn’t anyone remember it and ask the question?
- The movies 'V for Vendetta' and 'Resident Evil' both proved that Cheney did it. Natalie Portman and Milla Jovovich are the key witnesses. I’d like to head up that investigation. I'd subpoena them (sp?).

Weakness in the Democratic party
- don’t take it out on the Greens- our job is to show the Dems their weaknesses. We’re like the scale when you’re on a diet, or like a mirror- this should be a call to action, not denial
- why do Dems hate Greens more than Republicans hate greens? It’s like you’re taking out your aggression on the messenger, but what you need to do is ask the messenger to help you get into the boss’s house and free the slaves.
- Can the Greens and Dems figure out a way to cooperate? I mean, I like Lynn Woolsey and in early 2004 I liked Howard Dean.
- But I hate Dianne Feinstein. We must take her out, no doubt.
- We need to focus on changing the system not keeping each other down. Is that ranty, or just preachy?

Why do Dems hate Greens so much?
- shouldn’t they hate Repubs more? Repubs have actual power, and are doing bad things. Greens have no power (except in Seb) and if they did, they would be using it to advance a progressive agenda.
- Nader is not the devil- Dick Cheney is.
- Doesn’t a progressive agenda mean being inclusive and liking diversity? Apparently not in electoral issues.
- 3rd parties are accepted in Latin America and Europe
- Instant Runoff voting and proportional representation needs to be a priority. Whether ballots are rigged by Choicepoint, if I have to write in my candidate and my candidate is not allowed into the debates, then I’ve been excluded from the process even before the vote is rigged.
- Now for the kicker, where I reach out to the Dems for solidarity: My real goal is to make the Repubs a 3rd party, and have the Greens and Dems the oppressive 2 parties in a 2 party system. (This sort of happened when the Green candidate for CA Superintendent of Schools Sarah Knopp received more votes than the Repub candidate- just recently on June 2, 2006)

The media- see 'America: the Book' page 131

Homeland security- aka butt raping
- Instead of airplane security anal probing me, why don’t we have health care workers who give out literature about heart disease, the #1 killer in America, even ahead of Osama bin Laden. Heart disease is the real killer. Look at the numbers. We need to put a turban and a beard on heart disease.
- 3,000 people. That’s a small number. It was sad, even ask Oliver Stone. I cried, no doubt. But guess what? More people just died in the past few minutes of malnutrition and lack of sanitation and clean water in the 3rd world. Millions of species are dying from climate change. That is even sadder, but way less is being done, and the nation is not being mobilized to do anything about it. Except go shopping and buy more stuff produced in sweatshops.
- National priorities- oops, an oxymoron.

And final shouts out- to Ann H. for being the Samuel Alito of the Rant-a thon; I think Sam P. was the Scalia- writing the majority opinion every time. You’re welcome, it’s a compliment, no it isn’t, I hate Samuel Alito, let me tell you why in the next 3 minutes, what, my time is up? I’m just getting started. OK, more shouts out. My 6th grade teacher who made us watch the movie Ghandi, which showed me how to do civil disobedience like continuing to rant even though my time is up...and...mmmpph...

At this point, Sandlerbrau was forcibly removed from the stage.