Bloggin 101

We be bloggin. Here's how you do it.

Go to Copperfield's Books (or Borders or whatever if you don't have a local bookstore left because of Walmartification) (uh oh, it's gonna be one of those blogs with all the parentheses).

Casually flip through the books in the new nonfiction hardcover section about climate change.

Let the facts slowly permeate. Loss of biodiversity. Changing the climate for potentially millions of years. Who are we to do that? My life is 100 years. Why should I permanently alter the whole Earth's climate for millions of years so that I can live a materialistic life which involves driving hundreds of miles, thousands of miles, 20,000 miles a year for what? Why should every ecosystem on the planet and every frog and coral reef die for that?

Then go home. Idly flip channels, ending inevitably on MTV, a residual from the teenage years when Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar on Me" alternated with Guns n Roses' "Paradise City." Alas, nowadays, it only shows reality TV starring people who are most concerned with their eyebrows and tan lines, hair gel and shirts with cuffs. Do they care about the Earth? Hah! To even ask the question. I suggest a new show: "Environmental Intervention." or "Extreme Environmental Makeover." Episode 1: This is the Earth. You live on it. You are a member of the species that is fucking it up. You have the ability to stop the damage before it is too late. If you do nothing it might be too late within your lifetime. Most troublingly, this could negatively impact your eyebrows and tan lines, hair gel and shirts with cuffs.

Next step, very important: drink some wine, and start rifling through the fridge looking for some beer. Then sit down and continue bloggin while Eminem's "Mosh" plays in the background.

I mean, I like this Blog, but this Blog is not worth every coral reef in the world.
But this Blog is not the problem. The energy infrastructure that underlies this Blog is the problem. I want a Blog, but I don't want tons of CO2. The CO2 is an unwanted byproduct. Return to Sender.

Still, the use of this Blog is part of the problem. If we could do demand reduction, that would reduce the CO2. On the other hand, if we could build a political constituency to move the bureaucracies that define the rules of the energy infrastructure, we could change how all Blogs are powered, and then we could remove the guilt associated with all forms of electronic communication, which substitutes for paper which saves trees.

Guilt or CO2? Which is my greater burden?

So about Rumsfeld (you were wondering when I would get to that). Every post on this Blog needs to have a mention of Rumsfeld. Even if you have to make something up. Start rumors about Rumsfeld. I heard he's dating Lindsay Lohan. I don't care, but incorporate Rumsfeld into every post.

Here's how the greenhouse gas emissions of this Blog relates to Rumsfeld. Rumsfeld has the biggest budget in the world. Rumsfeld can do anything he wants to. With $500 billion, you could do anything. You could have a pretty fuckin cool sushi night with your friends for your birthday. You could fuckin well change the energy infrastructure of the fuckin country, and have money left over to completely renovate the decrepit American auto industry to make cars that get 100, hell, 200 miles per gallon (and for you interns out there, that's mpg, yo). Just for fun you could make rules saying that cars need to get 187 miles to the fuckin gallon, and that every gas station needs to put on their price listing the word "fuckin" next to the price per gallon. (by the way, I'm bloggin to Ice Cube's song "Steady mobbin" now, that's steady bloggin yo) Rumsfeld's got the budget to solve these problems. He could do an instant global Marshall Plan, and get Africa's attention, stop them genociding each other with some economic incentives, get each village in Congo a wireless PC powered by a solar panel, and put bicycle factories in every country, with water purifiers which attach to the back. I got a hundred ideas for Rumsfeld's budget. Instead Rumsfeld likes to invade and cause trouble. "There goes the neighborhood"

When people asked me would I like to be Administrator of the EPA, I said no, I want to be Secretary of Defense. Why? Cause with that money I could tear up some shit. The EPA's budget would buy me one week of toilet paper from Costco. Maybe that's part of the problem, but I would rather blame Rumsfeld. He's just so squinty eyed. Someone call up Al Franken, he needs to name a chapter "Rumsfeld- the squinty eyed liar." I shouldn't refer to Rumsfeld's physical attributes or lack thereof. But all y'allz other Bloggers have hardly given a shout out or a diss to Rummy, so I needed to step up, word.

I'm gonna post this shit, and continue on a new post. I'm not done with Rummy yet.